Will, 18 months

"Baby Will" is 18 months in just a couple weeks. Where does the time go? In the months since he turned 1, he has developed an intense little personality. His baby nickname, "chill Will" no longer applies. The days are long, but I often feel this stage slipping through my fingers! I won't bore you with all the cuteness, but here are some Will highlights.

• Will's catch phrase is, "Let's go!" He chants the words over and over when he wakes up in the morning, finishes a meal, wants to be let out of his car seat, arrives home after being away, and when he is really excited at the prospect of doing something (usually playing with Jonny)

• Adores our dog, Scout. The feeling isn't at all mutual. Will has to know where Scout is at all times. "Dow! Dow!" The other day I was taking the kids upstairs and Scout started making a weird coughing noise. Afraid that she would vomit on the upstairs carpeting, I closed her into the kitchen while I took the boys up. Will was beside himself and kept imitating her coughing sounds and pointing downstairs with wide, worried eyes. He would not be consoled until I took him down to the kitchen to check on her. And when we have to drop her off at the groomers? He is distraught.

• No interest in screens or TV (trust me, I have tried all the shows) but is obsessed with carrying the iPad around. "Ah-pad, Ah-pad!" He doesn't do anything with it, just gives me a heart attack that he is going to chuck it down the stairs or something.

• Always, always, hungry. Our boy Will is a bottomless pit. He will down a peanut butter sandwich, crackers, cheese, and a banana, then be howling with starvation half an hour later. I'll be honest, it's exhausting. But he eats a variety of fruits and veggies, and I never have to worry about his growth, so I will count my blessings.

• Will throws cute tantrums and not-so-cute tantrums. The cute ones are when he gets frustrated about something and backs up slowly, maintaining eye contact with quick, deep breaths and the saddest little expression. Like all those mad/sad feelings are bubbling up inside and he just doesn't know how to handle them! He will look around for some way to show you how mad he is--usually a halfhearted shove of a chair or kick at a toy. The not-so-cute ones are just a sign that he is almost 2.

• Wakes me up every morning with a (usually) gleeful, "Mamamamamamamama!!!!"

Favorite outdoor activity: digging in the dirt and kicking around a "ball-ball!" (the ball obsession is real over here)

Favorite indoor activity: Playing trains with Jonny. He calls them "chee-chee's" which we assume was derived from "choo-choo."

Loves going to the zoo and seeing the giraffes, playing in the bus at the Children's Museum, and making delicious pizza in the play kitchen at the library.

Current obsessions: giraffes, buses, trucks, apples, ketchup, babies "bubbas," drinks of "wa-wer"

We love you Will!

Our Sweet and Salty Three Year Old

Sweet, salty, and everything in between. That pretty much sums up our three year old right now. I am so grateful to be his mother and obviously can't imagine life without him, but sheesh! It's a lot!

Sweet
He loves his brother. Oh, how he loves his brother. Sometimes he would prefer to love him from a distance (like when he has built an intricately elevated train track that will topple if you breathe on it wrong) but they really are becoming best of friends. Proof is on Instagram.

He sings all day long. Current favorites include:
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
Down By The Bay
The Corner Grocery Store
If the Savior Stood Beside Me

Matt cut Jonny's hair last week and for the first time ever J didn't freak out! Whenever someone mentions it he does this proud little bow to show them the top of his head, then carefully folds each ear back as proof of his bravery-- "and see behind my ears??"

Salty
So. Many. Meltdowns. I don't even know what else to say about that. The waterworks are real around here.

One of his new favorite phrases is, "I will not!" As in, "I will not pick up my cars!" or "I will not obey Mama!"

His sassy little attitude is simultaneously hilarious and concerning.  A few weeks ago he was chasing the dog with a toy truck. When I took away the truck he wailed, "You made a bad choice to me Mama!" Another time as I was trying to get him to try eating something new he burst into tears, crying, "this dinner is not delicious to me!"

In Between
He never stops talking in the car. Like, ever. Sometimes it is adorable and sometimes I would give anything for two minutes of silence. We are in the "WHY" phase and I'm sorry, but it's rough. I just can't spend 10 minutes talking about why we are waiting at the red light and the other cars are driving. "Why we stop mama? Why their light is green? I want our light to be green!" We have to take turns! What else is there to say!?!

It is sweet in these conversations, though, to get a glimpse into his mind and heart. He talks a lot about his Dada and the things they will do when Dad gets home. He is also very interested in "towns" and loves to ask what town his aunts/uncles/grandparents live in. However, these questions inevitably lead to the unanswerable "why" questions (What is Grandpa's town called? Lehi Why? They just call it that. Why he live there? Because he likes it. Why? They have mountains there. Why? . . . tectonic plates? I don't KNOW!!!!)

Sweet, salty, and everything in between. I'll take it all.
💓💓💓

Intentions (2018's word for resolutions)

I feel like New Year's Resolutions have been getting a bad rap the last couple of years (e.g. this opinion article on New Year's Resolutions vs. New Year's Realities). But you know what? I love them. I love them for the same reason I love Mondays, new journals, and a freshly cleaned house. It's a chance to reflect, start over, and move forward. With that said, here are my "intentions" for this new year.

Take a deep breath.
I am not as busy as I think I am. Truly. J will be starting pre-k in the fall and our life will become much more scheduled. More children will come, the boys will get older and become more involved with school and extracurricular activities. We will embrace that stage of life when it arrives, but for now my life is as quiet and unhurried as I make it. I got a Leuchtturm 1917 journal for Christmas (you bullet-journalers will understand how exciting this is!) and I am loving my newly organized weekly layouts. I have always been "a throw it in my planner with a million stars and circles so I don't forget it" kind of person. Which has worked fine, but guess what? Writing smaller and more neatly makes me feel so much more in control. Who knew a more organized life would start with my handwriting? I am ready to make room for the things that matter.

Read.
I have always been a book person. And by book person I mean, I like to own books. Between used bookstores, library sales, and my Amazon wishlist, I have amassed quite a collection over the past 10 years. But since I also love to frequent local libraries, and my reading time is limited, the books I actually own often go unread. 2018 is the year to read the books I own. I give each book at least 100 pages to capture me. If I am still dragging through it after 100 pages it gets tossed into the donation box with no regrets. Life is too short! Also, as much as I love a good Dan Brown thriller, do I really need to cart it around with me for the rest of my life? I am only keeping the books that change me and speak to my soul.

Be all in and fully present.
This speaks for itself, really. I am the queen of multi-tasking seven things and only finishing . . . zero things. So. One thing at a time. When it comes to household duties, I want to focus, finish, and move on. For real, I don't need to have Netflix playing in the background to get the dishes done. Being efficient will grant me the space to relish time with my children and husband, fill my cup with good books and music, place a higher priority on spiritual growth, establish meaningful family traditions and rituals, and just be here.

All of you resolution skeptics can continue to roll your eyes, but this kind of stuff is what makes me tick!

Fresh Start

This Christmas season was different from recent years. Decorations were up promptly after Thanksgiving and were fully savored and enjoyed all month long. No traveling, with or without Matt. We enjoyed time being cozy little homebodies and didn't get around to everything (neighbor gifts, Christmas cards, Christmas crafts, traditional holiday baking . . .) But we watched the movies, listened to all the music, saw so many beautiful lights, and did our very best to maintain a steady focus on the Savior. We were able to celebrate Christmas on Christmas, we had Matt home with us for 4 DAYS IN A ROW, and Jonathan is finally old enough to be excited about Santa and fully comprehend the magic of it all. It was so hard to be far from our families, but it was soothing and peaceful to spend such a special weekend together--just us.

Here's the funny thing though; as soon as it was over I was ready for it to be over. Like, really ready. Normally I fight to keep everything up until New Years (at least) but come December 27 it was just time. Time to get my house back. Time for new playlists. Time to dust, clean floors, and clear out the clutter. Time to figure out where the new toys and clothes will go and donate some of the old ones. Time to move forward. I am itching for a fresh start and a new year. We are ready for you, 2018!

Today

Not much to say today; just wanted to check in! Life is moving slowly right now. We are spending more time at home. I am trying to play more, read more, and be more present  . . . but a lot of the time I just feel behind. This whole "stay-at-home mom" thing (for lack of a better phrase) is tricky. Everything surrounds me all at once, just waiting to be done. But come on, there are kids to raise! They need my time and attention. But I have to keep my own cup filled so there will be something for me to give. And the house, don't forget the house! A house of order is a house of God. I try to do it all--be efficient, yet calm--playful, yet firm--consistent, but not inflexible. Children take priority, but there is always more to be done--more cleaning, laundry, dishes, organizing, cooking, food-prep, etc. Some days feel more balanced than others. Isn't that always the case?

The onset of cold weather is difficult for me. I thrive on sunshine and time spent outdoors and I'm really missing beach days, sunny afternoons in the yard, early morning walks, and late evening park trips. Truth be told, we live in Southern Virginia so it doesn't even get that cold, but as far as I am concerned, 36 degrees is frigid. And it gets dark so early. Time to figure this whole winter thing out! For now we are thriving on a healthy dose of Christmas cheer, but January will come and this homebody-ness just won't be the same without twinkle lights and Andy Williams.

I am the mother my children need.

The days are long. But we are finding joy. It's much easier to come by when the sun is shining and the temperature is in the mid-60's!

Last week was strange. I was in slow motion and felt "busy" all week but hardly accomplished anything. We did end up having a wonderful Thanksgiving day though! This week we are picking up the pieces, getting out with friends, enjoying the sunshine, raking leaves, and trying to get this house put back together. I am also in the throes of Christmas decorating . . . the fun part has worn off and now I just want to be done so I can stuff the boxes away in the attic and enjoy my twinkle lights in peace!

Also, I had such a tender moment with J yesterday. He is having a hard time being obedient--he sets his little mind to something and just wants to do it so bad! Even if it's a "no-no choice," which it usually is. Yesterday he decided to be sneaky and take our snow globe down off the mantle. Of course in trying to get it down he dropped it and it smashed on the floor. It was wrecked and made such a mess. I got pretty upset; not because he broke it, but because he deliberately disobeyed me and then it broke, just like I knew it would!

I put him in his room, shut the door, and went back downstairs to clean up the mess. His screaming/crying died down pretty quick, so I expected to go back up a few minutes later to find him playing or reading, totally over it. Instead I opened the door to find him sitting in bed with huge tear-filled eyes. He looked at me with the saddest little expression and whispered quietly, "I sorry mama. I said a prayer mama. I said a prayer that I can have a do-over."

Often times after he acts out I get angry, and we both end up having a tantrum (yes, mom tantrums are a thing. I can't be the only one, right?) When things calm down I usually ask him if we can say a prayer together to ask Heavenly Father for help to feel happy again and start over. It made my mama heart soar to see that in the depths of his 3-year-old sadness he turned to prayer for solace and comfort. I lose my temper way too often and never stop feeling guilty about it, but would he have learned this lesson if I were always perfectly calm and patient? This experience gave me hope that I am the mother he needs, despite my endless weaknesses and imperfections.

This phrase has been my mantra since a sweet friend gave me this book for Mother's Day. I highly recommend it for any other imperfect moms out there!

You are the Mother Your Children Need by Christie Gardiner

Thanksgiving Plans

I LOVE hosting Thanksgiving. Give me all the clean up; it's worth it. Finding recipes, reading all the Thanksgiving tips/articles, making a cooking schedule, dreaming of the day when I can own a double oven, inviting friends to bring their favorite dishes and help with last minute preparation in the kitchen, using the good plates, forcing everyone into a dorky game of Thanksgiving trivia as we keep picking at the food long after we're full . . . it's the best. We have hosted a few times and each year brings a couple successes and a couple more "let's fix that for next year's" (I refuse to call them failures).

This year the whole hosting thing just didn't pan out. Matt will be working all day and most of our friends are going to be out of town. Truth be told I was a little bummed about it, until I realized that this was the perfect opportunity to practice new recipes without the pressure of a crowd (*nerd alert* I have had an imaginary dinner all planned out for a couple weeks anyway). 

Then one of my very best friends had her baby over the weekend and I conveniently signed up to bring them dinner on Thursday (see what I did there?) So the plan is to bring Thanksgiving with me, armed with tupperware and casserole dishes, and as long as my kid's noses stop running we will stay and eat. And we were invited to an evening dinner at one of the other resident's homes that we will be able to enjoy with Matt. Life has a way of sorting itself out.

Since I won't have my sous chef/dishwasher with me tomorrow, I have gravitated towards easy, make ahead recipes. 

Mel's Kitchen Cafe is the name of the game this year.

Turkey breast in the crockpot

A new "make ahead" roll recipe

Instant Pot mashed potatoes

From-Scratch Green Bean Casserole that is easily assembled the day before

And, of course, Mom Scott's sweet potatoes.

If I have the energy, Our Best Bites Sour Cream Apple Pie (contribution to the resident dinner)