Fresh Start

This Christmas season was different from recent years. Decorations were up promptly after Thanksgiving and were fully savored and enjoyed all month long. No traveling, with or without Matt. We enjoyed time being cozy little homebodies and didn't get around to everything (neighbor gifts, Christmas cards, Christmas crafts, traditional holiday baking . . .) But we watched the movies, listened to all the music, saw so many beautiful lights, and did our very best to maintain a steady focus on the Savior. We were able to celebrate Christmas on Christmas, we had Matt home with us for 4 DAYS IN A ROW, and Jonathan is finally old enough to be excited about Santa and fully comprehend the magic of it all. It was so hard to be far from our families, but it was soothing and peaceful to spend such a special weekend together--just us.

Here's the funny thing though; as soon as it was over I was ready for it to be over. Like, really ready. Normally I fight to keep everything up until New Years (at least) but come December 27 it was just time. Time to get my house back. Time for new playlists. Time to dust, clean floors, and clear out the clutter. Time to figure out where the new toys and clothes will go and donate some of the old ones. Time to move forward. I am itching for a fresh start and a new year. We are ready for you, 2018!

Today

Not much to say today; just wanted to check in! Life is moving slowly right now. We are spending more time at home. I am trying to play more, read more, and be more present  . . . but a lot of the time I just feel behind. This whole "stay-at-home mom" thing (for lack of a better phrase) is tricky. Everything surrounds me all at once, just waiting to be done. But come on, there are kids to raise! They need my time and attention. But I have to keep my own cup filled so there will be something for me to give. And the house, don't forget the house! A house of order is a house of God. I try to do it all--be efficient, yet calm--playful, yet firm--consistent, but not inflexible. Children take priority, but there is always more to be done--more cleaning, laundry, dishes, organizing, cooking, food-prep, etc. Some days feel more balanced than others. Isn't that always the case?

The onset of cold weather is difficult for me. I thrive on sunshine and time spent outdoors and I'm really missing beach days, sunny afternoons in the yard, early morning walks, and late evening park trips. Truth be told, we live in Southern Virginia so it doesn't even get that cold, but as far as I am concerned, 36 degrees is frigid. And it gets dark so early. Time to figure this whole winter thing out! For now we are thriving on a healthy dose of Christmas cheer, but January will come and this homebody-ness just won't be the same without twinkle lights and Andy Williams.

I am the mother my children need.

The days are long. But we are finding joy. It's much easier to come by when the sun is shining and the temperature is in the mid-60's!

Last week was strange. I was in slow motion and felt "busy" all week but hardly accomplished anything. We did end up having a wonderful Thanksgiving day though! This week we are picking up the pieces, getting out with friends, enjoying the sunshine, raking leaves, and trying to get this house put back together. I am also in the throes of Christmas decorating . . . the fun part has worn off and now I just want to be done so I can stuff the boxes away in the attic and enjoy my twinkle lights in peace!

Also, I had such a tender moment with J yesterday. He is having a hard time being obedient--he sets his little mind to something and just wants to do it so bad! Even if it's a "no-no choice," which it usually is. Yesterday he decided to be sneaky and take our snow globe down off the mantle. Of course in trying to get it down he dropped it and it smashed on the floor. It was wrecked and made such a mess. I got pretty upset; not because he broke it, but because he deliberately disobeyed me and then it broke, just like I knew it would!

I put him in his room, shut the door, and went back downstairs to clean up the mess. His screaming/crying died down pretty quick, so I expected to go back up a few minutes later to find him playing or reading, totally over it. Instead I opened the door to find him sitting in bed with huge tear-filled eyes. He looked at me with the saddest little expression and whispered quietly, "I sorry mama. I said a prayer mama. I said a prayer that I can have a do-over."

Often times after he acts out I get angry, and we both end up having a tantrum (yes, mom tantrums are a thing. I can't be the only one, right?) When things calm down I usually ask him if we can say a prayer together to ask Heavenly Father for help to feel happy again and start over. It made my mama heart soar to see that in the depths of his 3-year-old sadness he turned to prayer for solace and comfort. I lose my temper way too often and never stop feeling guilty about it, but would he have learned this lesson if I were always perfectly calm and patient? This experience gave me hope that I am the mother he needs, despite my endless weaknesses and imperfections.

This phrase has been my mantra since a sweet friend gave me this book for Mother's Day. I highly recommend it for any other imperfect moms out there!

You are the Mother Your Children Need by Christie Gardiner

Thanksgiving Plans

I LOVE hosting Thanksgiving. Give me all the clean up; it's worth it. Finding recipes, reading all the Thanksgiving tips/articles, making a cooking schedule, dreaming of the day when I can own a double oven, inviting friends to bring their favorite dishes and help with last minute preparation in the kitchen, using the good plates, forcing everyone into a dorky game of Thanksgiving trivia as we keep picking at the food long after we're full . . . it's the best. We have hosted a few times and each year brings a couple successes and a couple more "let's fix that for next year's" (I refuse to call them failures).

This year the whole hosting thing just didn't pan out. Matt will be working all day and most of our friends are going to be out of town. Truth be told I was a little bummed about it, until I realized that this was the perfect opportunity to practice new recipes without the pressure of a crowd (*nerd alert* I have had an imaginary dinner all planned out for a couple weeks anyway). 

Then one of my very best friends had her baby over the weekend and I conveniently signed up to bring them dinner on Thursday (see what I did there?) So the plan is to bring Thanksgiving with me, armed with tupperware and casserole dishes, and as long as my kid's noses stop running we will stay and eat. And we were invited to an evening dinner at one of the other resident's homes that we will be able to enjoy with Matt. Life has a way of sorting itself out.

Since I won't have my sous chef/dishwasher with me tomorrow, I have gravitated towards easy, make ahead recipes. 

Mel's Kitchen Cafe is the name of the game this year.

Turkey breast in the crockpot

A new "make ahead" roll recipe

Instant Pot mashed potatoes

From-Scratch Green Bean Casserole that is easily assembled the day before

And, of course, Mom Scott's sweet potatoes.

If I have the energy, Our Best Bites Sour Cream Apple Pie (contribution to the resident dinner)

Confession

Maybe it's the cooler weather. Maybe it's the fact that we don't have any big Thanksgiving plans. Maybe that Million Bulb Walk event that I promised Matt wouldn't have any Christmas in it (oops), flipped a switch. I started listening to Christmas music this week. After at least 20 years of embracing the "NO Christmas before Thanksgiving" fanaticism, I caved. It started with an innocent little Indie Holiday playlist last Wednesday and turned into a full blown Amy Grant this morning. We listened to the Home for Christmas album twice in a row. I am not ashamed.

The funny part of this is that Jonathan has been asking a lot about what "time" it is since Halloween Time is over. There have been many discussions about Autumn Time, Thanksgiving, and how Christmas will come next but it's not here yet. When I casually asked him if he wanted to listen to some Christmas music the other day he replied, "You sneaky, mama!" I can't get anything past this kid.

Naptime

Most days the boy's naps overlap by at least an hour. There are always ten million things I need/want to do, but I try to take at least a few minutes as soon as they fall asleep to read my scriptures. It lifts me up, gives me perspective, and brings me comfort.

Today I sat down needing a little pick-me-up, for a few different reasons. I opened them and the pages fell straight to this scripture in the Book of Mormon:

47 Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world. (Helaman 5:47)

And then this section from the Bible popped into my head:

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

These words were exactly what I needed this afternoon. I know that my Savior and my Heavenly Father are aware of me and my struggles. These moments of comfort are moments I need to remember. And as I record and remember them, they will come more often.

Yesterday.

Rewind to Sunday. One of the most exhausting days I've had in awhile. Church on my own, then a church youth activity that I was helping to put on, all without Matt. I have a great village here and so many people helped me out, but Will is a mama's boy. Bless his heart . . . and my back. The three of us rolled into bed around 9:30/10 and Matt didn't get home until late Monday morning.

So yesterday I woke up to crazy town. The house was a disaster--we're talking the mess that had built up after three days of fun with Matt home last week, dirty dishes (breakfast, lunch, and dinner), diapers, laundry, you name it. But here's the part I want to remember.

The kids played quietly all morning while I washed clothes and put the house back in order. Phew! Will took a two hour nap which gave me time to shower and feel like a person again. While Will was napping, J and I made banana bread that not only turned out perfectly, but replaced the house's old spaghetti smell with the smell of homemade baked goods. No matter what's going on, the smell of baking bread makes me feel like I am winning at life.

Nothing big, just a moment worth capturing.

Also, I made this amazing Pork Ragu for dinner. We stayed home all afternoon while it braised in the oven and made the house feel cozy.

Jonathan, Age 3

As he was going to bed I said, "Go right to sleep so we can have pancakes tomorrow!" He replied, "Pancakes are my favorite!" Then added, in a warning tone, "but usually yucky pancakes are my not favorite."

On a road trip without Matt, I got a little lost trying to find the hotel. When we finally pulled in J asked, "Are you so proud Mommy?" Then a minute later he added, "Way to go!"

He ate his apple down to the core and when he saw the seeds he exclaimed, "Look! BEANS!"

Will has just begun matching J's excitement for street sweepers, city buses, garbage trucks, etc. One morning they were looking out the window and J yelled to me in the kitchen, "Mom!! Are you know Wee-yum thinks cycling truckses and barbage truckses are cool??!!"

As Will was fussing in the car . . .
J: "Be quiet! I trying talk to Mama!"
W: yells in protest
J: "No yelling!"
W: makes a small squawk (totally testing to see what J would do next)
J: exasperated sigh "Try again!"

Two Thoughts.

On troubleshooting.

That "aerial view" of my life revealed that things get pretty hairy around here after 4 pm. We still have about 3 hours before dad gets home. The boys are up from their naps, Will is starting to fuss because he's starving, J usually wants to "go somewhere" and I need to get dinner started because Will is having a conniption on the kitchen floor.

So here is my attempted solution.

• Plan out meals for the month, doubling ingredients and meals here and there to stock up the freezer, and plan for one or two big shopping trips a month. Goal: be strategic, efficient, organized. 
• Dedicate the first half hour of nap time to dinner prep so things come together more quickly. Make this a habit.
• And, for the love. Plan more Instant Pot and Crock Pot meals. This stage of my life is not conducive to any recipe that involves browning or braising. It just isn't. I can channel my inner Julia when I don't have a screaming 1 yo wrapped around my leg.

Also, I tend to get so wrapped up in my "household duties" that I start to multi-task my kids, trying to distract them so I can finish one more thing. It's the worst! 

Solution: If I can have most things finished by 3 (i.e. laundry folded, table cleared of junk, kitchen clean-ish) and let myself off the hook for everything else, then I can actually enjoy the evening with my kids instead of counting down the minutes until bedtime. 

On Do-Overs.

J and I talk a lot about do-overs. He is in a frustrating stage right now, defiant as heck and pushing every boundary he can think of. As a result I have trouble staying calm and patient throughout the day. Especially by the time evening rolls around and I am feeling like a frayed rubber band, ready to snap. We grant each other do-overs multiple times a day. Most of the time it helps.

Last night was rough for a number of reasons. We all get to have a meltdown every now and then, right? But all of my troubles looked much brighter as the sun came up this morning. The boys and I went on a walk, and all I could think about was that today is my do-over. And no matter what happens, tonight I get to sleep, and tomorrow I get another do-over! It's simple, but this thought brings me comfort. 

Ode to Summer

It's starting to feel like fall here in Southern Virginia. The heater clicked on this morning, so yeah. It's here. The start of a new season is magical. It's a time for fresh starts and new rituals. And don't we all have a little bit of Anne Shirley in us when the leaves start to change? I will romanticize the coziness of fall with the best of them, but summer has my heart. Switching out our crisp, cool summer sheets for the cozy flannel ones, packing up the fans, shaking out fleece jackets and hunting for matching gloves and wool socks; it feels very final. I'm determined to love fall and winter as much as I loved spring and summer, but still. A little sad.

So before I throw myself into Fall (which really is great, I know) Summer 2017 deserves a shout out. Most of Summer 2016 was a blur of 3rd trimester sweaty stress. But this year . . .

Early summer meant no mosquitoes (yet), almost hot days and beautifully warm evenings. We could finally enjoy our backyard again! As well as morning walks to the water, beach trips, zoo trips, playdates at the park. I read quietly on the porch during naptime and snuck outside often in the evenings to catch a quick breath and watch the fireflies. I taught J about "summer sounds" and we reveled in the racket of cicadas and crickets.

Mid summer was filled with the happy chaos of visitors. It has been years since we have lived close to family and we've become accustomed to it. Until we see them again and are reminded how badly we miss sharing our day-to-day lives with them! Trips to visit family include full days of air travel with toddlers or days of driving . . . so, you know. Worth it, but it comes with a price. Family coming to us? Gold.

And late summer. I learned to love it. The mosquitoes were horrendous. The air was muggy. But guess what? Early mornings and evenings at the beach were the perfect temperature, and mosquito free. We frequented our aquarium, children's museum, and local libraries during the day to avoid the stifling heat. I kept a can of DEET on my back steps at all times so that as soon as the breeze picked up we could leap outside for a short walk or "motorcycle ride" with J's bike. Long days allowed for walks after dinner, which was often late because we had been hanging out on the porch with the boys' water table.

Of course I'm leaving out all the sweaty tantrums, high AC bills, and scratchy bug bites, but who wants to remember that stuff? This is how I want to remember Summer 2017.

Troubleshooting

One of the IG accounts I follow has been doing a weekly series on tips to organize your life, based on a presentation she attended by Marie Ricks. The latest tip was on troubleshooting your life. Getting out of the trenches to take an aerial view, identify trouble areas, and do what you can to fix them.

But I have this problem where I go through phases. Sometimes I'm chill, sometimes I'm super uptight, sometimes I am super organized and sometimes I am a hot mess. Actually, I am usually a hot mess. Schedules, to-do lists, goals, resolutions. . . I fall for them every time! Trouble is that my "follow through" skills are lacking. 

So. I am troubleshooting and boiling it down to the basics. Getting my act together to make space for the things that really matter. For real this time.

"Halloween time"

My boy Jonathan LOVES Halloween. Our neighborhood goes all out, and when the pumpkins, skeletons, spiderwebs, and graveyards starting popping up last year he became obsessed. When the spooky stuff came down and the Christmas stuff went up he just didn't understand! How could Santa be as exciting as bones and pumpkins? For months he would ask to go on a walk to see the bones, and his conversational chatter about his Ewok costume lasted well into the spring ("I a Ewok. Mama is Leia. Dada is Darth Maul. No, Dada is Jedi. Darth Maul is mean. Jedi nice. Dada is nice.") On and on.

Fast forward to this year. As soon as he saw pumpkins in the grocery store he knew that "Halloween time" was back! Long story short, our house was fully decorated by the end of September. Most mornings he comes downstairs with a big smile, "I so happy it's Halloween time Mama!" Starting so early, we have had lots of time to stretch out our Halloween festivities. Here are a few of our favorites that will surely be traditions for years to come:

1. Halloween Books! My dream is to have a collection of books for each holiday. There is just something special about books that only come out once a year. But we have many moves ahead, and we are on a pretty tight budget, so the library is the way to go for us! We hit up different libraries to gather a few new books each week.

Favorites for kids:
Shivery Shades of Halloween
Too Many Pumpkins
The Bones of Fred McFee
Where the Wild Things Are
Birdie's Happiest Halloween

Favorites for parents/teens:
Rebecca
Coraline (great read aloud for older children. It is also a graphic novel)
And Then There Were None
Murder on the Orient Express
Also, I am currently reading Turn of the Screw. I'll let you know if it ends up being "list worthy"

2. Movies. J is old enough to get "nur-bus" now, so our selection is limited. This year we have been watching:
Room on the Broom (Netflix)
The original Casper cartoons (Amazon Prime)
Super Monsters (Netflix)

Matt and I look forward to the day when Coraline, Hocus Pocus, Corpse Bride, Nightmare Before Christmas, and Simpson's Treehouse of Horrors episodes can be added to the mix.

3. Pumpkin painting. I grew up in Southern California with very warm Octobers, so we always painted our pumpkins. We would paint big faces on them and line them up on top of our front wall. Same situation here, although with the humidity we didn't even want them outside because they get moldy so fast! This year we painted mini pumpkins and lined them up on the mantle. Both boys loved it. J used so much paint that his pumpkins took 2-3 days to dry, but they were the coolest ones by far.

4. Food. It is Scott family tradition to have clam chowder in bread bowls on Halloween night, so we definitely have that to look forward to! In years past I have enjoyed baking pumpkin bread, making pumpkin cookies, pancakes, etc. But I have been off my game this year! Maybe I can bust out some pumpkin pancakes this weekend. We'll see.

The Blog is Back

Since I last posted, we have moved to a new state and had another child. I am "team leader" to two crazy boys, the sweetest dog, and a husband in the middle of pediatric residency training. Life is insane right now, guys. For real. But my sister reminded me of an old blog that I kept back in my single college days and tonight I went back and reread it. And guess what? I would have forgotten all of those stories and experiences, in all their awkward chubby-faced glory. So the blog is back. Because I don't want to forget!

I want to remember how Jonny gleefully announced that he had "done a double" (pee and poop) when I had no idea he even knew what the word "double" meant.

I want to remember how hard Matt works right now and how amazing he is to come home and give us his full love and attention at the end of the day, even if it's just for a few minutes.

I want to remember how Will starts to run away, but freezes until he knows I am looking so that he can flash a mischievous smile before continuing to wobble off in the opposite direction.

So here we go.