To my future self: A Healthy Dose of Perspective

I can't tell you how often people advise me to "appreciate these days with young children because before I know it these boys will be grown and baby days will be over." I also can't tell you how many times a day I have that exact same thought. It's true! I know it is! I WILL MISS THESE DAYS. Go ahead and keep reminding me of this. You're right. I am so blessed and lucky to have two healthy, adorable boys and the emotional/physical ability to care for them.

But. There are some things I just won't miss, and last night was one of them. Because of Matt's work schedule, and the fact that all of our bedrooms are clustered together, letting babies "cry it out" just isn't always an option. Especially with Will who has amazing CIO stamina. Matt insists that he can sleep through anything, but I just can't lay in bed and listen to the crying and screaming when I know my poor husband has to wake up at 4:30! So this scenario occurs, minus the sickness, about once a week.

Last night Will was sick. Stuffy nose, fever, just all around feeling rotten. I slept in his room (we have an extra bed in there), but the only way to keep him quiet and comfortable was to bring him into bed with me. This is not our norm, so peaceful co-sleeping (is there such a thing?) just never happens. What happens is he cries, we snuggle, then he settles into a crazy position which always includes digging his feet into my face or stomach, and finally falls into a deep sleep. I, on the other hand, doze fitfully and fretfully, trapped in the same position as I desperately try to make sure he isn't going to fall off the bed or be smothered by the blanket. And because he's sick, I just feel guilty for being mad and tired rather than nurturing and compassionate when he wakes up with renewed rage every hour or so.

But guess what? I run the show here, today and every day. And my baby is sick. So being nurturing, compassionate, and fully present is a non-negotiable, even though I just want to crawl back into bed to sleep the day away and catch up on This is Us.

Sorry to complain, but I won't miss last night (or this morning, really). Maybe this post will bring some solace to my aching mama heart in 20 years? Anyway, here's to hoping the day brings long naps and lots of moments that I will miss.

❤